FACES WITHOUT TRACES
PRELUSION BY RAJNI CHHABRA
Birbhadra
karkidholi , a reputed multi-lingual poet, story writer and a successful
editor, is a powerful signature in the literary world, not only of Sikkim, but
on global level. Shabad Ra Mn and 'Samadhi Akkshaharu' originally composed by
him in Nepali, are translated into English by me, based on Hindi translation
provided by reputed Poet and translator from Sikkim, Khadagraj Giri and in this
Anthology, trans-version of choicest poems from his Hindi Poetry Book 'Is
Shahar Mein Tujhe Yaad krke' is also included. This Anthology is a humble
effort to render him wider opening to reach integral part of world literature.
I
thank my stars that I chanced to meet him as a co participant in World Poetry Festival, Kolkata in 2013 where he
gifted me several poetry and story books penned by him. That was initiation of
my association with Nepali Literature. I feel humbled that Poet Birbhadra
deemed me worthy of translating his choicest Nepali poems into English.
I have deep respect for literature
in Indian languages, as well as for literature in different languages all over
the world .Translation acts as a bridge among diverse languages on global
level. It is a means to transcend lingual barriers. It helps literature to travel.
It is a means through which writers can speak across generations and culture.
Poems
of Birbhadra are enriched with his straightforwardness, sensibility, lofty
thoughts, deep perception, treasure of ideas, philosophy and spiritualism. His
communicative skills are mark worthy.
Poetry
of Birbhadra is quintessence of his journey of life from lap of nature to
urbane. He muses over environment, his yearning to dwell in natural
surroundings and homesickness as well. The poet is willing to stand any test in
life and faces it with a positive bend of mind. His poetry symbolizes his
unflinching attitude towards life situations. Pang of separation and pathos of
mind are given vent profusely in his poems. His love and longing, emotional
attachment for mountains and deep concern for environment is beautifully pen
crafted in his several poems.
His
abundant love for nature and its powerful description takes us to the journey
of natural scenario and has a picturesque effect; we start witnessing clouds,
mists, high hills and mountains, the moon, the fireflies, heavy downpours,
cluster of homes in villages, lush green lands and eye catching beauty of
nature. The poems meander through several themes and evoke myriad emotions.
Birbhadra
stands out as a poet in his creative efforts and has to his credit 11 Published
Anthologies of poems, 3 Collections of Short Stories, 1Memoir, 1 Research Work,
1 Collection of Critical Appreciations and his literary
His Works translated into other
Languages includes 4 Poetry books and 2 Short Story Collections into
Hindi, 1 Poetry Book into Assamese, 1 in Bodo, 1in Bengali and 3 into
English, have earned him familiarity and fame among the writers and readers of
these language groups.
Besides being Editor of
Magazine Prakriya since 1981 in Nepali, he is editing five more
popular magazines in Nepali.
Three books written on the poet are
markworthy;
1. Samalochakiya Drishtikonmaa :
written, compiled and edited by Premnath Manaen, Siliguri
Darjeeling
2. Birbhadra Karkidholi : The Flight
of Skylark : Written, compiled and edited by Prof. Dr. Om Raj,
New Delhi
3. Jivan Bodh Mein Samadhistha
Kavi
Birbhadra Karkidholi :
Written, compiled and edited by Prof. Dr. Suresh Singhal (Haryana
Rohtak University, H.O.D. Department of English, V.C.)
Participated in several
national/international literary programs and fests. Felicitated with mote
than fifty national and international Awards conferred by different literary
organizations in India, Nepal, Myanmar, Kuwait and Bangladesh, viz.,
Bharat Gaurav, Rashtra Gaurav,
Sahityashree, Sahitya Ratna, Himal Kavi, Antarrashtriya Hindi Saarc Samman,
Patrakar Ratna, Sahitya Shiromani ( Vidhyasagar, Vidhyavachaspati D.Litt.) etc,
etc.
Perpetually
interacting with life and the world, he is a distinguished poet. I wish him
more glory and prosperity in literary world on global level.
'Faces Without Traces'' is my 18th translated book. While translating from Nepali into English,
I have tried my level best to retain the feel and fragrance of the poems
intact. These trans-verted poems will open door of words from Nepali into
English and shed light on culture, traditions, natural surroundings and geographical conditions of distinctly beautiful
land. Prior to it, I have trans-verted 9 Poetry books from Rajasthani, 1 from
Punjabi and 7 from Hindi into English as target language and with grace of
Almighty, response from voracious readers worldwide is amazing and motivation
me more to contribute in realm of translation.
Lastly,
I heartily extend my thanks to the Publisher for aesthetically crafting my
dream-book into reality.
RAJNI
CHHABRA
Poetess,
translator and social activist
C.
E.O. & FOUNDER
POET
BIRBHADRA'S 'FACES WITHOUT TRACES' : A Journey from Pain to Pleasure
Dr.
Suresh Singhal
Professor
of English (Retd.)
Birbhadra Karkidholi's 'Faces Without Traces', a beautiful collection of 40 Nepali poems translated into English by
Rajni Chhabra, is a welcome addition to the existing storehouse of translated
literature in English. Birbhadra is a well-known multi-lingual creative writer
and a dedicated editor. Today he is a powerful signature in the literary world,
not only of Sikkim but also of international scenario. He has to his credit a
large number of literary achievements. The huge quantum of these achievements
has been mentioned in the introduction given by the translator, Rajni Chhabra.
The poems of the collection are the representatives of the poet's sensibility
and sensitivity, vision of life and literary career. Not only this, the poems
also speak volumes of his philosophical convictions and lofty thoughts showing
his literary journey of life and career.
Birbhadra is a poet who could not narrate his anguish to himself, whose faith
could not persist with him, who could not visualise his own dreams ( My
Status).
The poet says that he has received more love from his own
people who left him in lurch as compared to strangers ( Intimacy and Sympathy).
Not only this, even his own clouds, fog , smoky dust and mountains didn't
allow him own any part of the sky and consequently his name has been defamed
(Kanchanjunga Ushers). Even his light is polluted and a different kind of wind
is blowing. He is made alert not to open the doors as the evening of his life's
journey is full of darkness and that he should not step out ( In Temptation of
Light ).
Birbhadra, the poet, has been an exhausted traveller during the arduous journey
of his life and career. He could neither get a resting place nor quench his
thirst for literary growth and for name and fame. He oftentimes has failed to
climb the heights of the Himalaya of his life and literary career (Viewing
Himalaya).
The poet is unhappy to think that he has no identity of his own so far, he has
been a person lost in crowd, time is not with him, life does not seem to
be life as such, rather time and life are indifferent to him. (Time Could not
be Mine)
His inability to flow with time and speed has made him anguished from within on
the one hand, and his life has been full of turns on the other (Anguish of
Stagnancy).
Birbhadra the poet has been scared to think that why he didn't reach his
destination even after flying or flowing without drowning. He has been
regularly struggling to catch up the targeted destination, but somehow hasn't
been successful (I Intend to Ask Only This Much).
The poet tries to console himself by saying that the doors of his life will
remain open and time will decide his destiny (Time Will Itself Tell).
The poet Birbhadra is not happy with the modern ways of living in a
city, it's crazy crowd, arrogance ,
artificially, lack of values and so on. Hence, he wants to move back
to his own village, his home so as to enjoy natural life and environment away
from the maddening crowd, mechanicality and pollution (Beware
Neighbour). The poet feels caught in the worldly trap and even after getting
released himself like a fish, he has to keep wriggling and suffering
from pain (Myself: A Fish). The poet has a strong conviction that
the road of his life has been damaged, but tries to resolve this conflict (On
This Road).
But this is the one side of the picture of the poet's journey. He is not only
disappointed and frustrated all the time. He has an optimistic attitude too. He
is confident that the journey of his life and career that started in darkness
will certainly culminate in the light of positivity (This Journey).
The poet has been still waiting for the good time to come though the leaves
have been withered, and birds have not returned ( Birds Have Not Returned Yet).
At this point of time the stunned poet stands by the roadside watching the dusk
and trying to interpret the true meaning of life. He tries to find life in his
inner world and keeps probing and probing (You Will Miss Me One Day).
In the present century, the translation has acquired a very special
relevance and a highly significant position in the world of literary
production. In such a situation "Kanchanjunga Ushers' holds an
important place in the world of literary writing. As the world shrinks, the
need for literary translation expands. It is a time when we have not one but
two literatures ---the one produced by its own writers, and the other
translated from the world's languages. This secondary literature will often
have the most immediate and energizing effect on writers of the language into
which it has been translated. In this light, Rajni Chhabra , the well known
poetess and translator has tried her level best to transfer the cultural
nuances into the target language. The poems have indeed been
translated in a soulful manner. This good work of translation in English bears
the testimony to the fact in the translator's statement--" While
translating from Nepali to English, I have tried my level best to retain the
feel añd fragrance of the poems intact."
On the whole, this can be said in the words of Rajni Chhabra, " The poetry
of Birbhadra symbolizes his unflinching attitude towards life situations.
Pangs of separation and pathos of mind are given vent profusely in his
poems...showing his abundant love for Nature and its powerful description and
emotional attachment for mountains and deep concern for environment."
On the surface level, the poet's poems undertake the geographical and
Nature's journey, but on the deeper level , they explore the existential
and philosophical aspects of his journey. The two ends of
the geographical and philosophical journey seem to be aspirations
and fulfillment, materialistic craze and spiritual bliss. This is
the real struggle of not only human life, but also the poet's own life that has
been impressively discussed by the poet of the poems.
As far as the thematic pattern of the poems goes, it is the philosophical
picturization of the comprehensive phenomena of man's concerns in terms of
intense experience and possibilities of resolution. Within this philosophical
framework, the poems portray man's awareness and experience of life's tragic
intensities, including various situations of conflict,
struggle, exploitation, pains, tribulations and
resentment, though most of them leading towards pleasant scenario verging
either on negation or sustenance as the case may be. It is within this context
that Birbhadra's poems depict various characters as individuals
facing inner compulsions and outer urgencies in the philosophical context.
This collection of Birbhadra's poems is not only the picturization of the
mesmerizing journey of the enchanting skirts and contours of
Sikkim, but also the mysterious and mystical journey of
self--discovery and the labyrinths of human consciousness. The purpose of writing
poems is different for different poets. These poems expand to argue
on life and its burning problems forthrightly and realistically
with stress on human relationships, social, economic and
philosophical anxieties. Poetry for the poet seems to be a quest for
change to adjust to sinnously undulating time for inner journey,
intolerable aberrations, cultural heritage , inner and outer events. It
highlights the unexplored areas of human existence and a personal journey of
sensitive subjects.
Philosophically, the poems seem to be deeply influenced by
the unfathomable complexities of the inner self and , the endeavor
to understand the enigma called life. It talks about the sake of
life, to shape life and to change life. This is the philosophical aura of Birbhadra's
poems.
1302,
Sector 1
Rohtak,
Haryana
FACES WITHOUT TRACES
*************************
CONTENT
1. My Status
2. My Name, My Possession
3. Intimacy and Sympathy
4. Kanchenjunga Ushered
5. In Temptation of Light
6. Viewing Himalaya
7. I Miss Bygone Nights
8.These Palms Also Have Dreams
9. Time could not be Mine
10. Anguish of Stagnancy
11. Worries in Torrential Rains
12. Since Apprehension of Himalaya
13. I Just Gained This Insight
14. Fire and Mountain
15. Conversation
16. I Intend to Ask Only This Much
17. Come, Watch the Show
18. Time will Itself Tell
19. O My Village! Why You
Transformed into City
20. Closing Night of December, Prime
Morning of January
21. Yours and Mine world
22. Beware Neighbour!
23. Diary
24. I Won't Disclose to Anybody
25. In Isolated Room of Heart
26. Myself: A Fish
27. I have a Different Way of Life
28. On This Road
29. On This Turning Point
30. This Journey
31. We don't Have Substitute of That
Evening
32. Behind the Cloud
33. Birds have not Returned Yet
34. A Fateful Evening
35. You will Miss Me One Day
36. Give me Right to Co-exist
37. Only You
38. Words! Don't Come
39. Vasundhara, I Miss You
40. On New Surface
1.
My Status
************
I could not remain safe
In my own place
I could not narrate
My anguish to myself
I could not dwell
At my own abode
My own faith could not
Persist with me
I could not visualize my own dreams
In my sleep
I could not live here
In way of my own
I could not hum
My own tune, my own lyrics
I could not reach the other end
Treading on my own bridge.
2 . MY NAME, MY POSSESSION
*****************************
I am not going to lend
My hand to anybody
I need it for myself
I will not leave path
For anybody
To tread upon
I need it for myself
I won't think for anyone
I will contemplate
Only for myself
I won't like to
Die in embrace
Of anyone
I need my arms
To hug myself.
To snatchers of joy
I declare that
I need my happiness
For myself only
To those who defamed me
I declare that I need
My name for myself.
To those
Who deserted me
I proclaim
I need my own company
To those
Who have obliterated me
I assert that
My reveries
My each and every moment
I need
Only for myself.
3, INTIMACY AND SYMPATHY
**************************
It is not requisite to drown
After reaching bank of river
After reaching near stream
It is not requisite to quench thirst
With that water only
I have received more love
From thorns
As compared to flowers
Many people won't believe me
My own have left me in lurch
As compared to strangers
Anguish of a caste is same
Only pain and tolerance process
Is different
The moon that we are beholding is
Solitary in the sky, since epochs
Don't mention intimacy and sympathy
Hearts of this generation are
Like deserted orchids
Persons dwelling on
thorns
Regret that
They have been hurt
By flowers.
4. KANCHANJANGHA USHERED
*****************************
I asked clouds, fog, smoky dust
They said
You don't own any part of sky,
Birbhadra!
I asked high mountains , too
They said
You don't own any surface,
Birbhadra!
It is very true that
I don't own any house, any palace,
Sir.
Not even shambles
I merely own a hut
In which dwells my mother
Once, narrating my story to
Kanchanjangha
I pleaded
Blessing me, she said
Calm down, Birbhadra!
Observe patience
Don't narrate this story to
Anybody else than me
Listening to it
Neither snow, nor Himalaya will melt
Even huge stones can melt, but
When stones melt
You will suffer more pain
Than me, Birbhadra !
After listening to her
Caves dwelling in me
Are constantly waiting
For soft sunlight
You blame me that
I am greedy
This name has been defamed always
Tell me, of what use will
This name be.
5. IN TEMPTATION OF LIGHT
**************************
Don't keep windows and doors open
This slow wind is polluted
Don't indulge in temptation of
light
Even this light is polluted
The Sun is about to set
Bolt your doors
Be alert! Outside
Some different sort of wind is
blowing
Don't take support over there
Wall on which you are resting is not
strong
Why wind is entering like this
From creaks of windows
Beware! In temptation of light
Don't open windows and doors
It is not like wind
But...wind is blowing
Come whatsoever
Don't let this earthen-lamp
extinguish
This evening is fetching
Utter darkness
Beware! Opening the door
Don't step out.
6. VIEWING HIMALAYA
*********************
Inaccessible regions, great heights
During this arduous journey to reach
you
To quench your thirst
I could not get a fistful of water
On this height
No hypernyms, no stream was
available
Could not come across
Any bank of river or any stream.
Dismissing some moments of your
memories
Intending to get rid of fatigue
I could not get any resting
place
Any motel
Was not available for this
Exhausted traveller.
The courage on dint of which
I had accepted this challenging
journey
Carrying burden of heavy bundles
How am I managing to climb
On these great heights
I have left behind many mountains
Still, so many mountains are ahead
Several persons insisted me to drop
this journey
But how could I retreat
This very moment, I am viewing
Himalaya
With the advent of morning
Just as the Sun
In your reveries
I am melting
I have learnt to melt only!
7. I MISS BYGONE NIGHTS
************************
Since so many days
Same hymn is being repeated
In solitary temple in dense thicket
Before completion of hymn, in a very
restful mood
In a lonely night,
deliberately
Pujari killed in the temple
God.
Presently , every night
I look at sky
I look at stars
And observe that
In pretext of lunar eclipse
Dogs are being beaten
And people, beating canisters
Shouting at pitch of their voice.
Sky is also not clear, these days
Days are not like days
People sleep throughout the day
And wake up
When darkness lands in streets.
8. THESE PALMS ALSO HAVE
DREAMS
***********************************
I, too, had dream
I nurture a dream
I, too, had dreamt once
The dream, I visualized was
Not visualized in dream
I have never heard till day
That a river retreated
When big, high
Dams were built on it
Huge stones can
Turn into sand
Sand never turns
Into stone
White pigeons are
Not meant to be used for
Flying only as a symbol of peace
For this reason only
Fireflies are never
Scared of darkness
9. TIME COULD NOT BE MINE
****************************
Just glance at me
I have turned into a setting Sun
It seems to me
I may or may not rise again
I am a person lost in crowd
I may or may not
Identify myself again
When I wished to
Mingle in you
Time never gave me time
Now, when I have time
That time is not with me
God knows! What sort of occupancy is
this
I am not able to manage
leisure time
God knows! What type of life is this
Life does not seem like life.
God knows! What sort of journey is
this
I don't have feeling that I am on
journey
What sort of life is this!
I am not able to live it the way
I wanted to live.
10. ANGUISH OF STAGNANCY
**************************
It seemed to me that
I will flow perennially in life
Like speed/ like stream
Then, I realized that
Life is over since long
Becoming vacuum, turning useless
Turn after turn-with every step
Don't even recall
On which turn of life
I had come across them
Parting and parting
Persists in life
Pang of separation
Waiting moment after moment
In these live moments
It seems, won't be able to reach sky
In a flight
Treading on these slopes and
heights
Reaching destination immediately
Won't be possible
Life is full of turn after turn
What sort of turn will be last turn
So much anguish and pathos dwells in
me
Others, too, might be facing the
same in plenty
I am tolerating so much
Seems to me
Plenty of other beings
Might be facing same, as well
It seemed to me that
I will flow perennially in life
Like speed/ like stream
But anguish that I am facing
Resulting from inability to flow
How I might be flowing inwardly
Just try to muse over it
How I might be flowing inwardly!
11. WORRIES IN TORRENTIAL RAIN
********************************
I am worried about my soil
My courtyard and my kitchen-garden
My abode will be constructed on my
own soil
My existence will have to bloom
In my marigold and velvety flowers
I will have to be garlanded with
flowers of existence
By my sisters and daughters
I am afraid of getting asleep
Lest any nightmares should follow!
I am able to distinguish
Aroma of my soil
From aroma of different types of
soil.
I am worried about my own soil
Lest it mingles or anybody mingle
My soil with any other type of soil
Everyone is acquainted with
Uniqueness and significance of
my soil
So, this worry also persists
Lest anybody mingles
chemical in
My very fertile fields.
When torrential rain follows
I am worried lest this fertile soil
of my fields
Flows and mingles in field of others
Whosoever might be possessing
Our correct measures
We have to store our harvest in
granaries
Measuring with that only
This sweat! This life-blood
Has not flown in vain
I am worried for
Getting released my mortgaged fields
And for preventing overflow of water
I feel concern for
My courtyard, my boundaries.
12. SINCE APPREHENSION OF
HIMALAYA
***************************************
After I started viewing Himalaya
I am not able to view other
mountains
Estimating his height
I have forgotten all other heights
But, I am cautious/ Perfectly
cautious of
Presently misguiding Himalayas
I am alert/ Perfectly alert
Against presently misguiding
heights
After coming across him
My craving for others have ended
After observing his patience and
peaceful demeanor
I have forgotten to look at anyone
else
Since, I started apprehending
him
I am not able to apprehend myself
Since, I got impressed and
motivated by him
I am away from all doubts and
illusions
Since, I started cladding myself
with his clear sky
I won't drench now---I am
nurturing this belief
Since, I am availing
light diffused by him
There is no darkness--I have started
believing this.
13, I JUST GAINED THIS
KNOWLEDGE
***********************************
I don't demolish, these days
Nest of any bird
She told me, during journey
That very moment, I understood
She had demolished
Nests of thousands of birds
I need touch of that hand only
Second --anyways, is second only
Nest! It is such a sort of thing
Is made/ shatters
Shatters and is again constructed
No bird gets shelter less
With shattering of nest!
I too was mutilated
People shattered me, too
But, I never mentioned of being
shattered!
I never made an announcement
anywhere!!
And, after that, re-composed
myself
I stood on my feet again!
Resultingly, no bird seems eager to
reconstruct nest
Immediately after its demolition
Meek get meeker
Strong persons, too, are not
able
To muster strength always
Time imparted me this lesson
Stranger is stranger always
I just attained this insight
14. FIRE AND MOUNTAIN
***********************
Why does mountain not bend
Mountain bends
When it bends
Shatters/Scatters
Mountain! Does not remain mountain
That is why, mountain never bends
A single stick of match-box
Is never ready to become
Flame of fierce fire
For spreading terror
But holding revolt with fingers
Turn minor ammo of match-stick
Into fiery flames
Transform it
That minor ammo and match-stick
Are not aware
For what purpose
They have been prepared
And such a huge consequence
Will be attained through them
They will be turned into incredible
fire
And an irreparable loss will follow
Unaware/Absolutely unaware are
these match-sticks
Who holding gunpowder on their heads
Are silently lying inside
match-boxes
That is why
Mountain is scared of
Fire
And, fire is in hold of
someone else
Now, these peaks of mountain
Will bend or not
Don't ask me
Even high peaks of mountains will
bend
But, when they will bend
Won't remain peaks
That is why, these don't bend
They have no inclination to bend
Just as after extinguishing
Fire, does not remain fire.
15. CONVERSATION
*****************
Rose said to thorns
It was my mistake to be a flower
Listening to flower, thorns, too,
said
We could not protect you
Bank says to river
After seeing you, I don't feel
thirsty
Water says to bank
My thirst has enhanced, after seeing
you.
Bird while flying in sky
Says to wind-- I am also flying
Wind stopped blowing for a few
moments
Flying bird fell to the ground!
Sky says to the earth
Come, you, too, become sky
The earth says to sky
Come, you become the earth
Vacuum interrupted---cautioned
them
Water said to tears
How regretful are those who drink tears
How joyous are those who drink water
'Liquid' interrupted
Water is not as pure as tears
Listening to this conversation
Petals of rose welcomed
Falling on ground
Thorns, too, forgot their thorny
pride.
16. I INTEND TO ASK ONLY THIS
MUCH
************************************
Mentioning about flowing
To which direction are we flowing?
Mentioning of drowning
In which depth are we drowning?
Mentioning about flying
In which utter silence are we
flying?
Flying on dint of these wings
We will arrive here so soon
Had never thought like this
I am scared of thinking now
This series of flowing and drowning
I never questioned about it
To the waves and floods arising on
it
I never raised a question to
Those huge crocodiles and
fishes
I am flowing/ I am drowning/ with
you
My flight has fetched me astonishing
height
All out of ignorance
I am not scared!
I intend to ask only this much
We don't reach across, even after
flowing
We don't drown, even after drowning
Don't we reach destination even
after flying?
I plead, tell me the truth
I don't have wings to fly
Drowning ---and again swimming to
surface
I don't have any practice!
17. COME, WATCH THE SHOW
****************************
Age of his shadow
Might be under his control
But his own life
Remains under his own control
This is not mandatory!
Just watch
With the advent of sunset
In the evening
Mountain on the other side
Is burning
Under impact of this fire
Mountain and high altitudes
Are burning
Come, let us watch the show
On some fateful day
Mountains on this side, too
Can catch fire
When this happens
Mountain and all high altitudes
Will burn then, like this only
We won't be able to watch show then
People on other side will enjoy this
show
Just as, we were enjoying the
show
On this side...!!!
18. TIME WILL ITSELF TELL
*************************
Let the doors remain closed yet
Time itself will open
That door
Let the door remain open
Time itself will close again
That door
Let that earthen-lamp burn like tat
only
Time itself will blow off-- in
proper time
Again, that earthen-lamp
Don't ask about
Opening and closing of door
Earthen lamp, the way it is burning
presently
Its light, its inner strength
Don't ask me about it, right now
Its inner strength, in right time
Time will itself tell again.
19. O MY VILLAGE! WHY YOU
TRANSFORMED INTO CITY?
********************************************************
A well-wisher told me
wretchedly
A kindred, shedding tears, narrated
me
About earthquake in my village
Narratives about thunder-storms
About drought conditions
Flood and landscaping
About extinction of
Temples, wells and springs
After so many years, today
I have visited my village
My village has transformed into city
Villagers have turned into
city-dwellers
I had come to view village
I had come to offer my humble
regards to
Entity of my village.
I intended to bow in front of peaks
here
I had planned to purify myself
By bathing in spring of pilgrim
But, my village has turned into city
Ascent on which we used to climb
For going to school
Road has been built there
* Chilouna tree
That was worshipped every Sunday
Since time of our ancestors
Has been ruthlessly uprooted by
buldozer
Resting places where we used to
relax
While returning from school
Have been converted to butcher-houses
Many elders/matured / wise persons
Have become butchers
My village is now totally different
from
What it was before my departure
Where are thatched huts
Cowsheds/ divided fields
Huge mansions have been
erected
On that land
Noble-hearted people used to dwell
there
Oh! How different has become my
village
Roads have been constructed on
fragmented villages
Hard working hands that used to till
land
Are busy these days in breaking
stones
And spreading coal tar
Faces turning ugly with coal-tar
Gathering in any home in evening
What they might be thinking, viewing
their village
How much pain might be experienced
By heart suffering from smoke of
coal-tar
My village has transformed into city
Streets have been built
Whose are these/ who have let them
loose
These dogs, who bark at strangers
This village has turned deadly now
Where is the lantern/ earthen lamps
Who never left us in lurch
Can we trust this electricity!
Can we rely on these roads!!
I had come to village to till fields
I intended to meet all friends
I wished to ask from senior -elders
About policies/rules
And culture
Intended to offer flowers to Goddess
and Gods
Halting for a while in * choupati
Will offer * mala-bindi to
All woman folk, young and old
As a token of remembrance
Will visit friends in their thatched
huts
Will play flute in divided fields
and cowsheds
Will play *maadal and dance to its
tune
I had all these only in my mind
Will stay for some days more in
village
And attend thread-ceremony
Will enjoy meals in community
Entranced by music of *noumati -baje
I will dance a lot twisting my waist
Will carry bundles of * puvaal for
some days/ will plough
Will meet ploughmen, women sowing
rice
Those all who, with tearful eyes
had
Prohibited me for not moving to city
Told me not to settle in foreign
land
Hugging me tightly
They had cried bitterly
At the moment of my departure
I will see them again and embrace
them
I returned after so many years
Holding these thoughts in my mind
I had come to see that image of my
village
Because, wherever we settle down
Wherever we dwell
Our heart lingers in village
A village is a village
But my village has turned into city
Villagers have turned into
city-dwellers
I pity you, My village! Why you
became city?
O, My village! Why you turned into a
city?
* Chilouna tree: a tree in Nepal
used for construction and medicine
*Choupati: rural gathering place
* mala -bindi: garland
* puwal: dried yellowish stalks from
crops
* maadaal: Nepalese folk
musical instrument, hand drum
*noumati -baje: Nepalese
musical instruments
20. CLOSING NIGHT OF DECEMBER,
PRIME MORNING OF JANUARY
****************************************************************
Weather is very unpredictable these
days
Prior to advent of Spring
On several branches
Buds seem to be blooming
Earlier, these days, it was weather
of Autumn
God knows how
Spring of heart sprang up
And it is constantly flowing
Don't ask, where is its destination
Just, keep watching it flowing
The postman daily used to pass
Via passage in front of my house
He never fetched your letter
In pretext of having a cup of tea.
It was last evening of December
yesterday
The postman had delivered your
letter
In a few moments will follow
Advent of New Year
Oh! Your letter too
Will seem one year old
The fateful evening, when I received
your letter
That very night, abruptly an
earthquake stirred
Plain field of my heart
It was not a big mishap
But no mishap is bigger/ can't be
bigger
Than this mishap
That is why
I don't intend for plantation
On the banks
River can not be trusted
This time, many flew kites joyously
Celebrated
I looked towards azure
And broke tender thread of heart
I did not send greeting -card to
anybody, this time
On closing night of December
I composed a poem
On prime morning of January
I planted a Plumeria plant
On the edge of my courtyard.
21. YOURS AND MINE WORLD
***************************
I have no desire for palaces
House! Only one home
I have no desire for hails
Drops! Only dew drops are
Enough for me.
Seeing your riches
I used to think that you are
wealthy!
Enfolding ego and pride
You are rich by causing pain to
others
I am poor! In me persists
Only and only love
I can still accommodate in me
Traditions, intimacy and apathy
O, Rich man!
Just try to locate in you
Any such space?
Yours and mine world is not same
You don't have any sympathy
For my destitute
Orchid of richness
That I have in me
You don't possess
And seasons that I own
You don't have any of those
Along with few blossoms of my orchid
I need some thorns too
But not poisonous one
I need pointed thorns to protect my
orchid
Because, I am in awe of silent owls!
22, BEWARE NEIGHBOUR!
************************
I want to move away
From this city
From this hustle-bustle
From this expensive rented room
I will return to my village! My home!
Pollution diffuses/ Smoke rises from
chimney
Drains in these streets stink
How noisy? How much busy?
Vehicles and people living here
Long for buying relaxation from
relaxed people.
And my petty village! How peaceful
is this!
Vehicles are not noisy here
But, birds chirp throughout the day
And, Nightingale too, at night
Oh! How arrogant is this city
It declares my village as backward
Considers it as backward!
I want to move back to my village
O, Neighbour!
You become happy planting plastic
flowers
I intend to move back to my village
Your decorate your room with this
vase
On the edges of my fields are
blooming
Marigold, chrysanthemum and velvety
flowers
Just see! How proud he is feeling
Garlanded with purchased flowers
Oops! What sort of felicitation is
this
With bouquets in palatial homes
My village abounds in countless
flowers
These are not clouds
That are visible to me
These are smoke plumes
Dwellers here deem them as clouds
I will return home
But, before moving
I will make an oil painting
Depicting preoccupation/
hustle-bustle
Artificial hospitality, plight of
honesty
Scenes of processions and
curfews
Threats to dumb people
And will sell it to these nobles of
city
At a very nominal price
And move back to my village
Oops! Decorating bedroom walls
With color photographs of own future
What might be thinking
Ladies of these noble persons?
I have deciphered a lot
Countenances and hearts
Ascending quite high
I have descended from these stairs
So, now, I will make several posters
of
Faces of present time and cartoons
Men, their desires and future
After making posters, same night
I will paste them on walls of this
city
And run away
I will disappear, really
I will reach back to my village
I am warning you
O, Neighbour! Don't create noise
I am leaving this 'Stove' and bucket
for you
I am cautioning you! Don't tell
anybody that
I pasted these posters! Beware!
23. DIARY
*******
Holding bouquet of enchanting
flowers
In your delicate hand
You used to send me
Beautiful 'Greeting Card'
On every New Year
This year
With complements
You have sent a big diary
You won't believe me
I have diary of every year
But for writing
Particular subject/special words
Distinct mind/special colors
Are lacking
So, diary of every year
Is kept intact as it was
Empty and plain
With me, in my possession...!
24. I WON'T DISCLOSE TO ANYONE
*******************************
Towards which height
I am ascending
I am not aware of
But, it is height certainly
I am climbing and climbing
You have intimacy
Introduce me with it
Who has taught you to make cage
Why did you learn to make cage?
Tell me silently
I won't disclose it to anyone
This cage
Why did you buy? At what rate?
And for which fault
You captured parrot -mynah in it?
After clipping their wings
Why are you instructing both of them
To fly?
You simply cause suffering to others
I won't implore you to save light
I won't plead, not at all
Light is approaching till here
These days, during light/darkness is
Publicly killing darkness
Are you aware of it?
I am still ascending
After clipping wings of
Parrot -mynah
Why are you telling them
To fly?
25. IN ISOLATED ROOM OF HEART
*******************************
In isolated room of my heart
In room, in room
At times, I place myself
In front of me
Keep reading, keep reading
All alone
In the isolated room of my heart
Short stories of
My own life
In the isolated room
This solitary room of my heart.
26. MYSELF: A FISH
****************
These days
I feel as if
This earth, this desert land
Bank less river
These high mountains
Palm of cactus
This worldly trap
How I got entangled in it
Even after getting released
Myself: a fish
I have to keep wriggling with pain
I have to keep suffering.
27. I HAVE A DIFFERENT
WAY OF LIFE
**********************************
Where was I yesterday?
Where have been I deported today?
O, Time! In which country
You have dropped me, to survive
I am not able to peep in my
past--why?
In this climate, crops that grow are
Cacti merely
And letting me to live with cacti
What sort of country is this?
O, Time! Where is heart and mind
As it used to be in the past
Where is my soul?
In tears devoid eyes
O, Change! What sort of dreams
You are showing me
In my dreams
Why Himalaya is not visible these
days?
Where is my sensation?
Where has pious Sun
Touched feet of the earth
I want to see
Why day and night are alike here?
Why is life so unsafe here?
I never meant/ I never intended it
O, Time!Through which path
You want me to move
Where do you intend me to reach?
This path
This journey is not mine
In my sweat flowing
And burden carried by me
Why I don't derive satisfaction?
In this land
Why a *choupati has not been
constructed?
Where unburdening during climbing
One could wipe out sweat.
What sort of thirst is this
Even this thirst is not mine
In reality, my thirst is
Quite different --different!
What sort of evening is this
Where is twilight?
I have to meet fire-flies
O, time! Where are my delicate palms
These palms are of cactus, not mine
I need back my own palms
O, Time! I don't want to exchange my
palms!
Now, I have acquainted myself with
The tune and melody
Oozing out from heart of
This *sitar, piano and synthesizer
That I longed to listen
I don't want such transformation
In this cacti world
I can't live like a cactus
I don't need such transformation
Give me back my heart and mind
Mu softness, my tear and my anguish
too
I want to shed tears
I want to wriggle in pain
I want to make love....!!
O, Time ! Give me back the same time
I want to travel on the same path
Give me back my burden too
I want to live life
Carrying that burden
Life has a unique taste
When you carry burden
But you are not acquainted with it!
Now, I have realized
The life, that I led in your country
Was never mine
Actually, this life is also not mine
In reality, my life is somewhat
different
The way I want to live my life is
distinct.
*choupati: a common place to relax
* piano: a musical instrument
28. ON
THIS ROAD
****************
I treaded on this road
In darkness
In light as well
I treaded in rain
And in storm as well
On this road
I resumed walking
Even after falling several times
On this road
I came across
Hatred as well as love
Met vicious persons/ met God as well
I came across sufferings
I fetched comfort as well
On this road, serpent, too, bit me
For no fault of mine/purposelessly
I was always scared of him
I never had capability of crushing
him
But that serpent, till date
Has not returned
To collect his venom
It is still with me
On this very road
I came across frogs
Snakes and eagles
On this road, I came across
Light as well as darkness
On this road
I have lost life
I have met life
This road has
Evolved while I moved on it
This road has got damaged, too
While I moved on it.
29. ON THIS TURNING POINT
**************************
For withering of leaves
Fast wind is not mandatory
Withering leaves fall
Even with slight movements of wind
Even without arrival of rainy season
This season will follow
spontaneously
Will certainly fetch greenery along
with it
After ascending so many heights
He has reached this turn
Just behold that man
Now turning his back to this turn
He won't sojourn
During this phase of sufferings and
destitution
You, too, arrive at some destination
He does not nurture this notion
Leaves are found on earth only after
shedding
They don't intend to
Embrace azure
Those laughing apparently
Are crying inwardly
Every flower does not have thorns
But rose
I heartily long for
Who prick
My palms
That tree is not devoid of life
Just by withering of leaves
Don't lose self-control/patience
It is not so that flowers won't
bloom
If leaves have withered
Flowers, too, wither
Just like leaves
Flowers don't fall like leaves
Leaves fall
But leaves fall only due to storm
It is not so
Just behold
That fellow
Turning from road
Is standing on this turn
Care-free.
30. THIS JOURNEY
***************
Journey that begins in dark
Ends in dark
Journey that begins in light
Ends in light
Let us initiate our journey in light,
this time
Journey in light is not
Difficult, as journey in dark
Trust me this much.
And as in dark
With torch and match-box
Relying on torch-bearers
There is no need of all these
Remember this much, too
During journey body exhausts, mind
gets tired
Feet lose vigour
Nail biting is likely
Body may be sweaty
Own life seems a burden to
oneself
Own target seems tough to oneself
"No journey is
easy-going", I had told you
But, you never trusted me
This time
You start your journey
On your own feet
Required items
Carry on your own back
Then only, you will realize
What I said was true
Journey that you accomplished
Riding on another's back and
Journey undertaken on feet of others
And reaching destination thereby
You will feel utter difference
This is journey
Don't insist on leaving it mid-way
You will reach destination just by
starting
Don't ever think so
Don't get dis-heartened
Move with firm determination
Don't indulge in hasty
misconceptions
Don't take a short-cut
To reach destination hastily
Just follow the path
On which you initiated journey
And start feeling joy of this
journey
Right from the beginning
And realize the difference between
journey
Undertaken on back of someone else
And the joy of attaining target
on your own feet
Previous journey was
In the dark
And ended in the dark
Present journey was
Initiated in light
Trust me
This journey will
Culminate in light.
31. WE DON'T HAVE SUBSTITUTE OF THAT
EVENING
**********************************************
This evening is also not
same as it used to be
This might, too, is not like as it
used to be
Don't hum that song, don't hum it
Mood is not the same as it used to
be
This evening, I am probing for that
evening
Sea is on fire or it is something
else
Seems as if heart is burning
Tell me, how can I bask in sun
Sitting with you in ground?
I return from same path always
That is the only lonely path
There is nothing new, even if I
intend to view
Whatever I view, is old only
Tell me, narration about which
change
Should I initiate...?
Paths on which I tread
I don't come across even one or two
of my friends
I return alone, humming the same
song
That you, too, hum
In courtyard of your home
Why should I stroll aimlessly
In this dusky evening
Evening is not the same these
days
As it used to be
Don't hum the same song
Letting your heart free
Presently, time is not enchanting
Don't come as wind
To extinguish fire of my heart
Presently, I am in need of
Droplets of water
I can sense your sentiments
Even if with impression of evening
Don't sing the same song in city
When time itself is instructing you
To remain mum
Closing your windows and doors
Off and on, viewing the Sun
I recollect
Pleasure could not impart pleasure
Change could not fetch change
We can not rely on
This earthen lamp
We are craving for light
I intend to compose some new lyrics
Give me solitude for a few moments
I implore you to take away this
cacophony
I live in a rented home
For fear of getting homeless
Don't repeat the same song
How to explain to you
We don't have any other song
That can please us
I am waiting for that very evening
In the evening
We don't have any substitute of that
evening
To forget that evening
We don't have.....!
32. BEHIND THE CLOUD
**********************
During my entire journey
I could not find a wall
Behind which I could conceal
your reveries
When I miss you badly
That moment, clouds scatter
Towards your village
Neither you, nor me have the
capability of
Removing those clouds instantly
Why are clouds so jealous of us
Whenever, I miss you
This cloud comes in between us
If you don't believe me--ask that
cloud
Whether I miss you or not
The episode that pricks you
The same flows in my veins, too
It is years, since we are waiting
for each other
We could never meet on turn of that
cross-road
But, the mountain across which you
are
I am on the other end of the same
This mountain exists between us
We can climb on mountain
If we intend so
But, we can not climb, why?
Ask that mountain only
Why can't we climb?
You and me are not very far-off
The cloud behind which you are
I am also behind that cloud
And the way in which
We are leading our lives
There is no difference in it
Life that you are leading in a
different way
Same life, I am leading in a
different way
Why should we deem this little bit
of difference
As difference at all!
I rejoice in your happiness
You grieve in my sorrow
Then what difference exists in
Comfort and discomfort of yours and
mine?
And, where lies the difference in
your and my joy
The same joy makes you laugh
I, too, laugh in the same joy
Then, why to deem it as difference
This little bit of difference!
I deem this tiff
As meaningless
I treat your victory as mine
If you treat my defeat as yours
Then what is the point
That we indulge in tiff!
I miss you badly
Ask that overcasting cloud between
us
We are not very far-off
The mountain across which you are
I am also on the other end of the
same.
33. BIRDS HAVE NOR RETURNED
YET
*********************************
Birds have not returned yet
Leaves are withering one by one
Wind is also not flowing in plenty!
That mountain is about to fall
Might fall, any night, any day
Or in any evening
Standing overt here was
My faith, too
History/ river
Nests are lying empty
In shelter of roof
Sparrows have not visited, this year
Even stars want to fall, deserting sky
How was spent
Yester night
I don't want to lose my nerves
Thinking and re-thinking over all
this
If these stars fall
I wish, these fall
In the palms of honest hands
Dreams, too, remained dreams only
Leaves of hopes withered
But birds have not returned yet
Who has sent you
Nude
Perhaps he himself was nude
O, time! Till now
Blossoms have not bloomed on
Nude branches
Why did you carry storm with you?
What sort of wind is blowing
Intimate me about it
Don't remind me of
Yester nights
And bygone evening
Lamp was kindling
But, light was not felt
Wick exhausted
Even this was not felt
Don't remind me of
Even Spring is annoyed with us
I have to turn into reality
The dream I visualized in morning.
I am still waiting
Leaves have withered
Birds have not returned
Not returned yet
Birds have not returned yet.
34. A FATEFUL EVENING
**********************
The Earth was sinking
In deep trough of darkness
I was sinking and sinking
Utter silence prevailed everywhere
Dismay/ utter stillness
Exactly, on an evening like that
God knows, in what sort of musical
notes
We were lost...!
Alone on *Panghat
Singing our own songs
You did not realize then
Water was dripping from pitcher!
The same fateful evening!
Your musical notes, your song
And getting absorbed in self
Was lost unknowingly
Coming close from a distance
Hiding-emanating, emanating hiding
That very moment passionately
You and we met
You melted like snow
Exactly that very moment, that
evening
I imagine several times
That moment, that evening
The evening of you and me.
*Panghat : bank of river, place
surrounding community well
35. YOU WILL MISS ME ONE DAY
******************************
Continually stunned
Stood watching
Dusk! By roadside
Why do you ask me
Interpretation of life?
What is true meaning?
Music/ this tormenting wind
Ascension
You know very well
Chime of helplessness
Do me a favour
You move back, move back
And let me go as well
If you want to understand life
Don't look towards sky
View scattering clouds, patiently
If you ever miss me
Reach here in dusky hours
Exactly the same time
Where horizon is apparent
Look at that tree
Silently, try to find life
Within yourself
Keep probing, keep probing!
I know very well
Who are the passers-by on this road
What happens on this road
Where from you have to pass alone
You have to move alone
Forget this / Deem it as
A wish of yours
When someday, passing alone
You miss me badly
Rest for a while on this tree
Then cajole it, embrace it
And move back
Exactly at the same time, again
You might be missing me.
36. ONLY YOU
***********
I am word
I am still without words
I standstill, fate!
Then, silent gloom
With you only
Begins journey/ itineration.
Between you -me
I have assigned to your beauty
A name
Radiance!
Actually, you are not radiance only
You are an idol, idol
Actually, you are not only idol
You are symbol as well
Of fate! of body/ of fire--!
37. WORDS! DON'T COME
*********************
I composed and sang
Countless songs for her
But her heart did not melt at all
O, Words! Guide me
Instruct me
Using which words
What type of songs
Should I write
O, Words! My songs
Could not be songs till now.
I composed and recited
Innumerable verses for her
But could not move her heart, even a
bit
O, Words! Explain to me
In what sort of words
Which type of verses
Did I compose--
O, Words! My verse could not be
verse
I declare, I won't compose :
songs
Poems.
But this fascination for poems
Why does it not leave me? I think
I ponder over it!
Leave it now
O, Words! Don't come to me
With support of clutches.
There is no way here for us to tread
upon
Words! Don't come here in the form
of musical notes
Words! Don't come here like this, in
the form of verses
Where is the heart that can
appreciate you!
Words! Don't come here again and
again
To prick like a thorn
Sublime poem, in pure poetic mood
Where is the pure world, in which
you can survive!!
Words! You don't come
You don't come.
38. GIVE ME RIGHT TO CO-EXIST
*****************************
It is fine
You are a beautiful flower
Wherever, you bloom
You have your own Spring, but
Allow me to grow like a thorn
In any corner of your life
I will be elated with this
much---elated.
It is fine
You are original road, wherever you
move
Your destination is with you only,
but
Let me stand like a*dhupi tree
In any corner of your life
It is acceptable to me.
It is fine
You are a solitary night on your own
accord
Your aim persists with you, but
Inside your night
Let me be a glowworm
It is acceptable to me.
It is not that you are unaware
All through day and night--
Keep running
Problems!!
Sorrow and anguish !!
Becoming intolerable in bosom/ in
heart
Actually, I wish--all this
Does not occur in your life
I am aware of the fact
Splashing in every rain
You tried to fall me off
You are also aware / the extent
When, I reached in condition of
falling
But under all these circumstances
Neither I am disgusted
Nor was ever disgusted, never.
It is fine
You are *Ganga, pure and grand
Flow, keep flowing, in whatever way/
wherever
Your speed is with you only, but
But along with you
Give me right to be a bridge
Only be a bridge, only, be a
bridge..!
*Dhupi tree: fir tree
* Ganga: name of a sacred river
39. VASUNDHARA, I MISS YOU
**************************
Every morning and
Every evening
When swaying breeze
Passes touching me
Vasundhara, I miss you
And your utterances
Make me restive.
Actually Vasundhara
Every evening
Every morning
I miss you badly.
When your exclamations touch me
I have a semblance!
I perceive!
Yes, Vasundhara
*Bukki flowers growing in womb of
orchard
Are not garden of beauty
And occasionally growing grass
On deserted mountains
Can not be deemed as empire of
greenery.
Amidst your bulk of letters
In one letter
You had written
" This time, your poems
Should be such as impart
Sensation of unlimited shock,
anguish."
Vasundhra!
You don't apprehend poem at all
This can not be so, at all
Merely, I can say this much
Poem blooms like a sensation at
times
Poem falls sometimes out of anguish
Poem neither blooms, nor emerges
Thrives at times, even after
Facing unlimited shock, anguish
Now, which season should be deemed
as Spring?
And which season should be deemed as
Autumn.?
Unknowingly, poems die on their own
Suffering shock and anguish.
Poems that grow off and on, hither
and thither
Are these poems really? Vasundhara
Just, keep in mind
Poem is neither originated in womb
of orchard
Nor in *Uniungharee of mountains
Actually, Vasundhara!
Poem has to grow from
Open ground of bosom.
Yeah, Vasundhara!
I miss you every evening
I miss you every morning
.
Seems to me: the boat I am sailing
Is not you.
You are not Ganga
Where I am offering fistful of
water
To wash away my sins.
Seems to me: You are not the depth
In which I am drowning.
You won't be able to apprehend all
this.
Poem: blooms, emerges
When it dies on its own
Vasundhra ! I miss you.
* Bukki flowers: flowers in hilly
areas
* Uniungharee: a thorn grass
* Ganga : name of a sacred river
40. ON NEW SURFACE
*******************
This book
Reading words /alphabets
Mismatched in itself, vague
Erasing, tearing
Defeated, discomfited
In book
Don't rectify yourself
Don't do it! Don't do it again.
In volume of 'plate', nurturing a
'bonsai'
I spent many days in a rented room
In this huge world
A tiny life.
Realization limitless/ of
being meaningless
Hence, in the book of past and
present
Erasing sequence of living life
Collapsed on this narrow 'paralyzed
'country
I am searching for a ground, a
ground
Not a 'plate'.
On new surface
I want to grow a new life!
In the book of new country
New countenances, new life
I want to decipher.....
Because, just view your own country
Human-being is travelling
On support of clutches
On support of age of others
Human-being is living his own age!
So, in the volume provided
Now, I refuse to live life of a
'bonasai'
I am looking for a surface, a ground
On new ground
Rectified life!
I want to lead
A simple life!
I want to live.
I long to live now.
I long to live!
TRANSLATED BY
RAJNI CHHABRA
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